Proud Papa

It is late at night, the day after Ellie came to be with her family, and I cannot help but write a proud papa entry. The first night with her was such a wonderful blessing from God. While most of the other babies were showing the usual signs of having been institutionalized (such as lots of crying, no eating, fear of one or both parents), Ellie showed these signs only briefly. Once the benadryl wore off (or whatever they gave her to knock her out for the 4.5 hour bus ride), she really came alive. Almost immediately she was interacting with us, laughing, playing, and eating well.

One of my favorite moments with her so far was when we put her to bed last night. After we fed her a bottle, we laid her down between us on her back with each of us on our sides facing her. We had such a great time tickling, joking, and laughing with her, but the best part came later. As she began to get sleepy, she started to bang her hands against the bed out to her sides. Institutionalized orphans are typically understimulated, and one of the ways they compensate is by creating stimuli themselves (such as banging their hands or shaking their heads). When Ellie began doing this, we immediately recognized it as seeking stimulation as a way to comfort herself as she went to sleep. I wondered how many times she had done that very same thing, relying on herself for comfort rather than the comfort of a loving parent who wants nothing more than to see his or her child thrive. I took her hand gently in mine, raised it to my lips, and began to give her soft kisses over and over again. At first she resisted, but it was just the stimulation and comfort she had sought so many times before. She immediately recognized this and looked into my eyes as if to ask if I really meant to comfort her in that way. Suzy began doing the same thing on Ellie’s other hand, and she turned to ask Suzy the same question with her eyes. She stared into my eyes as I kissed her hand, then Suzy’s, and then mine again, all without making a sound or moving a muscle (except to turn her head back and forth every 10 seconds or so). When we would stop, she lift her hands up to our mouths, asking for more kisses and for more assurances that we really did mean to show her love by showing her comfort. She was filled with a peace that comes from knowing that you are loved unconditionally…was this the very first time she experienced such peace? After about 10 minutes of this, she closed her eyes and fell asleep, there with her tiny hands still cradled in Suzy’s and mine. It was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen, and I knew that we had her trust.